She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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