im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
