i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
