i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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