Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
