i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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