I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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