I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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