You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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