but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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