he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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