For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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