Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
