I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
