some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
