My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
