Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
