Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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