i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
