I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
