One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
