i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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