she woke up with a sticky ear
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
