and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
