He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
