I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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