this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Be still, my beating vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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