I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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