I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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