It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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