We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
