I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
