i love accidental penises.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
