I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
