I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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