Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
