There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got inside last night via doggy door
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
