he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
