benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
