okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
