Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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