Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
