This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
