I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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