I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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