P.S. I can't hear my feet
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
