PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
