Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His nipple licking is glorious
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