He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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