your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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