I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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