just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
