He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
